zzzzzzzz

I've been cleaning poo for days.........

guess what?

It's very hard to wrap a baseball bat. Yes it sure is. Especially when there's no tape.

Hi. My name is Lauren, and I have no brain cells left.

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Dear Diary,

Today I wore my pajamas as clothes.

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I must have had an out of body experience. Somehow, I returned from Kohl's with 6 more potato heads. Something is very, very, wrong with me.

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Josh approached me from behind today, while I was typing an email at the computer. I felt him gently brush his hand across my back, then walk away.

Me: Josh. Did you just wipe your boogies on me?

Josh: Yup! (walks away)

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Back to wrapping my bat. Where's my wine?

A little "reality" check

So, maybe they DO deserve each other, but I'm still having a hard time with it.

Men! Looks fade! Stupid is forever.

=====================================================

And now, A story from double J:

" It looks like Mr Potato family:
Once upon a time there was a Mr. Potato head, and Mrs. Potato head and Baby potato head , and they were all mixed up. The End."


"That's a GOOD story"
" I like that story"
===========================================================

I know I'm biased, but that kid just cracks me up!

and, they're GONE!

After cleaning poopy bums, toilets, floors, and hands; (collective "ewe" here)

I have finally reached my limit on how many fights I'm willing to mediate about POTATO HEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I collected ALL 10, 396 pieces, and put them in TIME OUT.

There. That outta do it.

good grief...

Now:

J is screaming and crying, because he "only has 10 Mr. Potato Heads" and wants M's....

This week:

Tue -2am

M: MOMMY!!!!!!!

Me: What! What! Are you okay???

M: Yes. Will you make me an ice cream sundae?

Wed - 3a

J: HI MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!! Let's PLAY POTATO HEADS!

Thurs - 4a

J: Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.
Is it sunny our yet?

Now

J: (crying) but I don't have ALLL the pieces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord, give me strength.

The answer is always YES ;-)

I can't believe I forgot to mention this yesterday.

So, we're in the McD's drive thru, and right after I pay, a worker sticks her head out the window and says "We accidentally made an extra! Would you like it?"

I nod excitedly, as she hands over an ICE CREAM CONE. <3

Mikey over the moon. McD's cones are special reward gifts for him. Thankfully, double J was sound asleep, and the lucky boy was able to enjoy his surprise prize in peace.

It may not sound like much, but, it made my day. This is one of the reasons I'm so fat. I <3 Mc D's, and everyone who works there. muwah! ;-)

Oh, because....

They're = THEY ARE

Their = at THEIR house

There = over THERE

They're at their house. They live over there.

There. I feel much better. :-)

===============================

But while I'm here....

YOU'RE = YOU ARE.

As in: YOU'RE bothering me.

Where did you get YOUR degree? Clearly, YOU'RE not required to pass a grammar test in order to obtain one THERE.

=====================================

Yes. Better now.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My neck still hurts.
I finished my book.
I think I have a stomach bug.
And a cold..
boo hoo.

owe. my neck!

Gah! It feels like I have snapped something vital in my neck. Not good on any day, but especially when there are two (TWO!) little people screaming my name, demanding attention all the live long day.

::big, poor me - pitty party - sigh::

Did I mention J has diarrhea? "MOMMY!! WIPE MY BUTT! NOW!" yes boss. right away.

M&J paid a visit to their friend the Pediatrician yesterday, and had their ears cleaned out. Allow me to share here, that NEVER in my life have I seen so much crap extracted from one's ear.
Holy - what the heck is that - batman. What a mess.

Happy Note:

Reading: The Hunger Games (awesome)

Saw Valentine's Day last night. What a cute movie :-) I really like it. What a nice surprise!

Also:
The big glowing star in the sky has returned, and it's 60. Now, if only they would go outside......

and the day begins..

J: I want a Barbie.

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J: (to the dog) RUFF! RUFF! MOMMY! I don't like Jappers. He barks.

Dog:

Me:

J: RUFF!

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J: Mommy, I found a Buzz Lightyear GRANDPA!

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and of course:
J: I'm a BABY. Goo Goo GA GA! (maniacal laughter)
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The above was all in rapid fire succession. He's nuts.

And to break up the day....

Jump Zone.

Two Birthday parties.

Open Play.

It's......loud

It's......chaotic

It's NOT FUN.

Okay...the boys had a blast, but the big kids there tackled the little ones. The parents of the bigger kids paid no attention, and the facility had ZERO workers in the arena.

I hate that place.....slightly less than listening to chicka chicka boom boom x forever, watching Alvin (and listening to J squeal with glee when Alvin says "stupid")

No... I CANNOT play potato head's anymore either. Who wants to babysit for zippo pay? Anyone? ANYONE????

Quiet. Mommy's thinking......

Tonight Mommy's thinking about begging the Grammy to stay with her darlings, while Mommy catches a movie. ALONE.

chicka chicka boom boom

Repeat x 10,496, and you have my audio for the past hour. Thanks, J.

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while watching Alvin and the Chipmunks for the 5th time today. ( sadly,no exaggeration there)

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And not to be forgotten, Mr and "Mom" potato head now travel room to room, falling apart, thus causing screams of terror ( Mom's EAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR fell OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!! FIXXX ITTTTTTTTTTTTT" )

all the live long day.........

::sigh::

Me: Get off the table. Sit on the couch.

J: No. The couch is too comfortable.

---------------------------------------

ouch

Is it really happening???? Am I sick AGAIN?????? Good grief!
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At least I have entertainment.

Mikey said to me last night, after I asked him if he would like me to visit during lunch:

"NO!!! I do not want you. No adults belong at my school. YOU go to high school."

Umm.

As flattering as that sounds, I couldn't help but wonder if this is what he told his teachers and peers! Just picturing it makes me giggle! (Mikey, what does your Mommy do? She goes to high school) ahhhhhhahahahahahahah.

What's even better is, when we were at orientation, I brought my husband and babysitter with me to help keep track of Josh and Mikey in all the chaos. While trying to figure out which class Mikey belonged in, Several teachers spoke to my husband and sitter thinking she was me.

I didn't correct them. :-)

I heart Target :-)

For once, that screaming child in Target wasn't MINE!!!

Those dear parents. The Dad just stood there in silence, while the Mum apologized to everyone. I kept saying "It's okay! It's usually mine" (points to J - cuz it usually is........) Oh, those poor folks...they sincerely looked mortified.



So, here's the funny:

girl in buggy screaming at TOP of voice " IIIIIIIII WANTTTTTTTTTTT A COOOOOKIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" x 100 and throwing her shoes at people who passed her by...

J looks up at me and says (serious and concerned) "um...Mummy? I think.........I think........(girl screaming) yes, I think that little girl wants....a cookie."

It just made me laugh. He's so cute. And again, I was all kinds of giddy it wasn't him.

I love Target. It makes me feel....normal :-P
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Quiet, mommy's thinking......tonight I'm thinking about avocados and ice cream. mmmmm

overheard

J to M: Come baaaaaaaaaaaaack my sweetheart!

(playing upstairs, while I doubled over laughing in the kitchen)

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J to M: Are you my purple spot?

M: No. I'm you brother.

(in the lvg rm, I'm laughing from the kitchen - and wondering why he thinks his brother is a "purple spot")

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while carrying J in the rain, as he holds the umbrella, facing behind me)

SHE.......(laughs hard, catches breath) HAS (giggles.laughs, can barely breathe out the sentence) A (more laughter) BAG ON HER HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (laughing so hard at this point, I turn to see)

In fact, a lady has her giant Coach bag over her head, and is laughing right along with him! What a sight.
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J: I love peeing.

(just sitting on his rocking chair - out of the blue, decided to share this tid bit - big smile across his face)

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(M. 6 yrs old)

M: Did you see my picture?
Me: No. what did you draw?
M: Starry Night

(and then presented to me, a startlingly beautiful, freehand drawing of Van Gogh's "Starry Night)

- the other picture he drew was of Sunflowers in a Vase; also Van Gogh

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These kids of mine crack me up. Especially when J is all over M asking all kinds of crazy questions, while M gives all the straight answers. I really need to start posting audio. Some of the conversations they have are even better when spoken in their 3 and 6 yr old tongue.

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Extra tight hugs for my boys tonight. Prayers for the Brown family.........

Really. It was in Bolt.

I have two, beautifully drawn, expertly executed still pictures of a scene from the movie "Bolt". Courtesy of my talented 6 year old.

Description:

Rhino (the hamster) in his ball, getting ready to fight evil with his hero Bolt -

(spread across his dome - screaming "die"!)

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2 pictures. One, given to me as a gift from my darling boy (and later found by DH, with a look of horror) the other, proudly displayed in said child's room. Yep. DSS is gonna LOOOOVVEEE us.

Oh, J. We'll be getting calls for sure

Yesterday

J an M racing on their scooters around the house, when suddenly:

(Jay screaming with glee)

dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit............

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oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Well, THAT'S not monkey!

Yesterday:
M surfing the web, reading about animals in alphabetical order (daily ritual - pictures supplied)
I'm planted behind him to monitor content when:

monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey,
naked tribeswoman, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey......

I didn't know I could move that fast! Clearly not seeing what I saw, he just gave me the ol' "my mommy is nuts" look, and without a fight, allowed me to move us on to "N".

My Bad

J: Mommy, I'm a baby.

Me: No, you're a little boy

J: Mommy, I'm a baby. Babies don't talk.

Me:

Me: Yes. You're a baby. Shhhhhhhh.

That gets me. Right here.

Oh, J.....you're killin' me.

From the moment he awoke this morning:

"Mommy (x10) don't take M to school. PLEASE!!!!"
sobs -screams-

"MOMMY! I LOVE HIM! PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM TO SCHOOL"
sobs screams..then..quiet. At the door, he landed the k.o.

"Mommy. He is my sunshine"

So, I drove the boy to school, while J yelled at me the entire way there and back - YOU'RE A MEAN MOMMY!!!!!

thanks.

Resolved

I'm riding the denial train, that the person you see above is no longer at the station.

That's right. What we have here is a clear case of Dream On, Lady.

I see myself there, and I think; I know her. Seen her hanging out in the mirror for 34 years, then something went terribly wrong.....

She was EATEN! That's right EATEN! Sure there are features of her in each reflection, (if you squint, and step REALLY far back, then look from the side) but it's still evident. She was eaten.

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I need to go on a diet. Tomorrow. Maybe Wednesday. Okay, Friday. By Friday........

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I love ice cream. It makes everything better. Band aid solutions people. Band aid solutions. ;-)

Yeah, No.

I will not be participating in the "no pull ups at night" experiment!

Last night, clearly dumb from little to no sleep, I decided to help the boys by carrying them to the toilet. M, no problem per usual. Nice & dry & cooperative. J, refusing to open eyes, lightly protested but happily allowed me to carry him to the bathroom and back. Then, it began.

Back spasms.

Big, bad, back spasms. As I lay there on J's xtra bed (per order of J who had at that time awoken completely to begin barking orders) I began the internal dialogue. "What does this remind you of?" said the little voice in my head.... "labor with M" the other voice whispered in exasperation.

I was screwed. Because, not only was it the middle of the night, but as I was about to discover, there were:
A) No pain killers in the house
B) No heating pad to be found
C) J was now WIDE awake, in a GREAT mood, and ready to play

So - yeah..No.

I will not be doing the "no pull ups at night" thing. I promise, when they leave for college, they will not need pull ups. Till then, this is the deal.

btw

while writing the above entry, J decided to throw the following on my lap: some ground beef, the ketchup, some buns, and has just yelled from the kitchen " I CAN'T REACH THE LETTUCE" ***sigh*** Must go make lunch. I'm gonna take a chance and assume here that he wants a hamburger ;-)

3 days in Bama. The schizophrenic state.

It's all very strange.

Last week, a tornado.

Wednesday, it's 60.

Yesterday, the kids are dismissed early due to freezing rain and snow.

I'm cold, I'm tired, and I am not happy. Why would I be? It was a snow storm & a 4am dig out that motivated me to move south in the first place! Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy to have those fun filled mornings behind me, but this crazy weather is the pits! I even had to scrape the ice off my windshield Friday. ICE! OFF MY WINDSHIELD! Not right. Not right at all.

Quiet. Mommy's thinking...

about Florida!

painting

Summer, 2009. J went outside to paint.

This is also one of his favorite pictures of himself..my little narcissist....where on earth does he get that from..?

(family prohibited from commenting here. My blob. My rules ;-)

Potato Head - the final chapter

Wishful writing. But I do hope this means the end of the potato head wars! Today, the final potato heads arrived. Oh thank you Jesus and eBay, as I cannot take one more potato head battle.

We now have 16 "wrong" potato heads ( with accessories somewhere in the hundreds)

2 "right" Mr. potato head

and

2 "right" Mrs. , or otherwise known as "Mom" potato head

but....as J just reminded me, we have the wrong Buzz Lightyear ship.


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

another funny moment, provided by J.

J & M got a new DVD yesterday. Rolie Polie Olie - Valentine's and Easter episodes.

Here's what Josh was just yelling in the TV's direction:

J: "I want LUV VAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Let's watch LUV VAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I love LUV VAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YAY!!!! yes, yes, that's the one."

the name of the episode is Loooove bug. From this day forth, now know as LUV VAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

you should have been there

Oh - it was so funny! Daddy got J AND M up at 1am to pee. How I wish I had this one recorded.....

J: (totally po'd and yelling) = I AM SLEEPING!

DH: I know. But we have to go pee now, so you don't wet the bed.

J: I SAID I'M TIRED! I AM TAKING A NAP!!!!

DH: You can go right back to bed after you pp in the toilet

J: ( no being walked with closed eyes to the bathroom, screaming) NO! NO! NO! NO!

...then to the toilet...

DH: Okay, pee.

J: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO GRRRRRR ( he really did this) NO!

then he went - A LOT.

and back to bed, where I proceeded to tuck him in, and hear the following:

J: (angry) ooh that DADDY!

Me: Yeah.

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It was sincerely hilarious in person. This kid just cracks me up.

and btw

DH ("Dear Husband" or "Dumb Husband" - depending on what he did)

Decided this was the night to let J sleep in underwear (no pull up)

yeah....have fun with that , honey.

Friends are kinda awesome

Yeah - gonna have to dedicate a moment to the friends here. Man, how did I get so lucky? I have been beyond blessed with good people. Never in a million years did I think I'd find such loyal friends here in The New Land. I am so grateful they came to me. I was closed for business when it came to friendship. So busy was I mourning the loss of the very best besties anyone could dream up, left back there in good ol' Mass.....I miss them so........

....and yet, I find myself once again unable to imagine life without these wonderful people. My new peeps. More soul sisters. It's kinda nice. :-)

God is good.


Speaking of New England chums - heard from one of my peeps just the other day, and was asked to meet her in Key West. Yes, my dear. I have been hearing The Keys callin' too. I'm workin' on it. I'm workin' on it!

Monday. Not as bad as it sounds.

I'm listening to the boys argue over what kind of dog Jasper is. A toy poodle, says the 6 yr old. BOLT says J. then screamed - that special way only he can - FETCH! & flung a ball at him.

Poor Jasper. He might as well be Bolt. Never seen a dog move that fast.

In the time it took for me to write that blurb, the children went on to argue over a sticker, a water bottle, and who can say "egging" the loudest. (Egging???)

Now J is chasing his brother screaming "you're a pumpkin pie! I'm going to eat you"
M: Don't eat meeeeee!!!! Mommmmyyyyy!!!!!!!

brb

Me to M (big bro) Do you want me to make him stop? DO YOU? Or are you having fun? DECIDE RIGHT NOW.

M: I'm having fun.

Me to J: Get em.

:-)

Gog help me. J took a 3 hr nap, and awoke at 5p.

Here we go again.....

J: I want a trombone. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. A trombone. I love trombones!


a few moments of silence and then....................


J: I want to play Mr. Potato Head instead.


(Quiet. Mommy's thinking. Tonight, I'm thinking about the benefits of Baily's on ice and parenting...)

Mommy.......

J to his brother, while riding scooters in circles around the house:

YOU'RE NOT HAVING FUN!

MOMMY! HE'S NOT HAVING FUN!

HAVE FUN WITH ME!

NO, NOT IN THE RUG! THE TRICYCLE!

MOOOOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! MAKE MICHAEL HAVE FUN!

oh. my. God.!

and now......

J: Mommy, Jasper said he needs to poop on the rug. I think you should put him outside......mommy. mommy.mommy? (yes?) I think I'm tired. I think I need to lay down RIGHT THERE points to couch where brother just sat down (no)........
mommy....mommy...mooommmyyyyyyy...... (what.) what's my name?

It just goes on and on like this for hours, folks.
ps - Jasper is the dog. He was sleeping when J made his declaration.

and then, there's the other child.

M: Mommy. He's not leaving me alone. Mommy, I think he needs to go to his room. Where are you going? (to Joshua)

Mommy, is he going to his room? Is he staying in his room? What is he going to do in his room?

--------------------------------

J returned. M ran upstairs upon his arrival to the lvg room

J: Mommy, can you throw those pens away? but they're still not working. The Grateful has it's lights. and yeah, yeah..Mommy? is this Eva's back? Mommy? Buz and Woody are not working.

___________________________________________________________________

Good grief!

potato head - part deux

4am: J: mooooooommmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......where's my potato head?

Whatever you say, J.

Real "conversations" with J, as they happen - now. (riveting stuff)

3p
J: I want a glass of cup with a...Mommy this is too cold...and that's my potato head...can I have a glass of cup .......Mommy, I want to make bubble drink...Mommy, I want to make bubble white drink.

Me: Whatever you say, J.

3:06p
J: I want a buckle so I can jump and go boom and...Mommy, I want to fly

3:07p
J: (BURP) Mommy! What was that? Did I do something (hysterical laughter)

3:08p
J: Mommy, I want a Mr. and Mrs. Potato head. Mommy, Ants bother...Ants Bother... Mommy, am I Ian? Oh, that will be a party....

can't make this shtuff up, folks.

Mr Potato Head

I hate him. I understand hate is strong word to use, especially when expressing one's emotion towards this seemingly innocent toy, but, I do. HATE him. In fact, I'm not crazy about the Mrs. either.

So help me, God. Really. For if I hear one more little person with the ability to shatter glass scream "THAT'S MY POTATO HEAD" I very well may lose my mind. Again.

Quiet. Mommy's Thinking.....

today I'm thinking about a life without potato heads.